Reflections
A Few Conversations with Myself
I’ve been playing Build by Sleeping At Last for quite a while now – both in my head and any other chance I get. There’s much to say, but it’s been on repeat for the past hour, and it so beautifully captures so much of what I feel right now: about myself, about my Personal Legend, and about what it means to create in general.
I turned twenty-eight last week Saturday, and I’ve found myself sitting with a few quiet thoughts lately—internal conversations, if you will.
On What It Means to Create
To create is to lead with wonder. To create is to question. To create is to play.
To create is to hold a child in your hands and drink up all the hope in all the possibilities it can become — the lives it can touch, the ways it can outlast you.
To create is to walk both the known and the unknown paths, unafraid to fail, unbothered whether others follow behind or not - for to look back too often is to court disappointment early.
Men will rally around, but you must create. Its shape will unfold to you, but you must first create. Others will come to see, but you must first create.
To create is to glimpse a blueprint—or the vestiges of the same—and risk being termed a madman simply because you saw something within and dared to build it.
To create is not to fear failure—a crime I’ve been guilty of too many times, chasing perfection at first sight.
Give Yourself Grace
Here’s another thought that’s lingered since my birthday:
Give yourself grace to stumble and to rise again.
I’ve had to repeat this to myself a couple of times because I found out over the past year that I can be pretty heavy on myself and expect instant success from first attempts.
While there’s some truth in this (as Superman that I am , actually 😂), there is great wisdom in understanding that nearly everything has a learning curve, and accepting and embracing little failures on first attempts makes it easier to pick myself back up and aim for mastery.
Taking this approach allows me to laugh at myself while working to ensure I learn.
It’s one thing to see the ideal; it’s another to berate yourself for not being there yet.
Discipline yourself, yes. But don’t shut it all down.
There’s much still to do, but there’s also much you’ve already done.
On People, and the Worlds They Carry
Everyone is a whole world—even the people you least expect.
I’ve shared this lesson in person and in writing a couple of times - like here; but I also know that we all need to be reminded from time to time.
I see this truth unfold often, especially when I’ve made quick judgments about others: how they acted, what I assumed they thought of me. I forget sometimes that, like me, they’re complex beings, capable of factoring in and being influenced by a multitude of thought processes and emotions.
Understanding people and the worlds they carry allows me see beyond the assumptions and discomfort they might temporarily cause and opens me to the beauty of the worlds that lie in wait within them. It evokes in me an awe, a wonder, a near-reverence that now teaches me to hold off on my initial assumptions.
On Trust
Trust. Here’s a difficult back-and-forth I have been having over the past year.
It’s strange. I find it easy to embrace others’ trust of me because I know myself. I have no issues with being trusted greatly. I know how far I can go and how deeply I can venture.
I can trust myself to handle people in a certain way, I can trust the lengths I can go, I can trust myself to be a rock for others to confide in; but I can’t trust others with myself - my thoughts, hopes, expectations, the loosening of myself.
I fall with prepared steps, never truly letting myself go, holding on to an illusion of control. As I fall into an attempt to trust, I anticipate the different ways my heart can smash against the cold concrete of smashed hopes and disappointments and human predictability.
I have sometimes leaned to thoughts of ‘no one can truly be there for you like you can’, even though I secretly wish to let go, to feel the wind against my skin, to fall freely and yes, FULLY. To give up control. To truly trust.
Because that’s what it really is, isn’t it? .The courage to believe that someone else truly cares.
As I sit with all these thoughts and much more, I am making changes, slow increments and iterations, learning the loud art of becoming.
And I once again find that every day is day one. Every day is a chance to do again.
It’s a new year. Some hope is in order.
And if this spoke to you, I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Till next time,
Yours in Wisdom and Wonder,
James, The Descriptor